.*______________::Even Da Tenshi Do Smile Sometimes::_____________

Friday, January 2, 2009

mood: .. irritated?.. black clouds over my head..

hey there, shiori da-tenshi here again..

today's the first day of school for 2009..

the first impression i made: i'm really quiet and i look dead

quote said by amanda(my partner):i'm really quiet

quote said by melissa(i only know one melissa so far): i look dead

my form teacher: miss leong

my comments on her:

fun/toot/humorous factor: okay-okay.

torture factor: super high[she made us stand for nearly 10 miutes&extra 3 minutes for "breaking the ice"(my ice wall can never be broken, even though it looks broken)what the.. much?]

organising factor: super high(i've never seen anyone as neat and organising as her:she made us sit in perfect STRAIGHT lines, and she even arranged our seating places)

nice factor:not so bad

irritating factor: extremely irritating

random factor: extremely random(just like my mom)

my new register number: 40<<'4' my favourite number

and guess what?

i'm right at the back.

AGAIN.

*Note: Miss Leong is a blur queen.

Eep. Got a bad sore throat and runny nose. Eep.

Eek. Nobody in class goes up to talk to me. Eep.

Is my face really THAT scary?

I really don't think so.

my current seating of the month(we have to change seats every month -_-''): by the window, far from the teacher's desk.<<>

bad thing is, the fan isn't anywhere near. .. great, .. just great..

my partner: Amanda<<>

oh well, good luck to her.

really nothing much left to talk about what happened in school.

rating my own performance for the day: extremely bad

*grey cloud storms*

Just checked my cbox.

Tessa replied again.

Here's my reply to you Tessa, let me say it once and for all. :

Tessa, let me tell you this once and for all.

You have no idea what you just freaking said to me, of all people.

You said I had friends, you had none.

Don't bloody try to fool me!

Yes, I admit I have people around me whom you call as "friends".

But, they are just like drugs, to keep me alive..

(To Regina & Perpetua: I'm sorry if I hurt you by saying this^)

You may have no friends in school, but then, you said that your sister was your friend.

Why are you contradicting yourself?!

Even I, don't say that my sister is my friend.

Actually, I didn't ever need one..

Fine, you say you have problems, that, I understand..

What about me?!

I have problems too you know?!

You are not somebody to say that you have no friends to me!

You are not somebody to say that you are lonely to me!

You are not somebody to say that I don't understand you good enough!

I used to think that you were better and far nicer than your sister.

But now, I think you're both just as bad!

You idiot!

Now you've over-done it!

You've finally made me hate you!

All these conflicts around me are pissing me off!

I'll say this one last time, don't say that I'm bullying you because you're my cousin and my junior.

YOU ASKED FOR IT!

I've never ever said this to anyone STRAIGHT before.

However, this time, I will.

Genevieve, if you love your sister and support her more than you support me,

I can't stop you.

I can't stop you from hating me.

I know I might regret saying this in the future, but, now, I really want to say this:

TESSA, I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!

AND PLEASE GET THE SHIT OUT OF MY BLOG,

WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ARGUING OVER WHO'S MORE PATHETHIC!

JUST GET THE SHITTY HELL OUT OF MY BLOG!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, OKAY?!

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

mood: nervous

Ack! Tomorrow's the first day of school for the year 2009!!

Freaking nervous now!

*teeth chattering*

My worse nightmare is coming true!!

Eep.

It'll be a whole class of new people again!!

At least there are only a small bunch a people I know..

Phew..

However, without Regina around, how am I to cope?!

Argh!!

This is driving me insane!!

I'm not even sure whether I've brought everything I need..

Aghhh..

Somebody help me!!

I so don't want to be embarrassed in front of my new class tomorrow!!

EEK.

That'll be the worse I'd probably do in the start of my first day in school.

EEP.

O.O

My time isn't up yet.

lol.

as in the time I was lent to write this.

I was given 10 minutes. I completed it in about... 5+minutes?

lol.

really dying here..

ja, mata ne!

away to a new and unknown future!

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

mood: irritated & disgusted

happy new year, everyone!

Shiori, Da-Tenshi is here again.

eep.

first day of the year, first thing in the morning.

guess what?

eep.

i 've caught a kinda bad sore throat.

eep.

must have screamed too much last night.

the worse thing to ever happen to a tenshi who loves to sing(me), is getting sick.(sore throat, flu, cough,etc)

eep.

throat feels horrible.

but, that's not the worst part of it yet.

Guess wat I saw on my cbox today the first thing I came online?

A message from Tessa, my Sei-Tenshi cousin.

She, a kind and weak hearted Sei-Tenshi, thinks that she is an outcast, a Da-Tenshi like me!

What nonsense is that!

This is so friggin atrocious, I could yell, scream, shout and strangle her at the same time!

She asks what her colour is right?

WELL, NOW I'LL TELL YOU, TESSA, YOUR COLOUR IS FRIGGIN' WHITE!

YA HEAR ME, FRIGGIN' WHITE!

I'm shadow-colour, always was, always will be.

Speaking of outcasts, Tessa, we, the Da-Tenshi clan, ARE OUTCASTS.

We, scream, shout, yell, kill, play pranks, curse, swear, all for the sake of making ourselves feel whole.

Guess what, Tessa?!

YOU, ARE SO NOT LIKE ANY ONE OF US!

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE LIKE US!

You're so.. pure..

YOU, SEI-TENSHI!

I REALLY HATE PEOPLE WHO ACT PATHETHIC EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN THEY ARE WAY BETTER THEN, US, DA-TENSHI!

YOU HEAR THAT, MISS SO-CALLED OUTCAST, BUT ACTUALLY A SEI-TENSHI!

You have no idea how irritating it is to me..

Up there, you are protesting about YOUR rank, thinking that YOU are the worst.

But, let me tell you this Tessa, you are not..

You are way better than that, way better than us, Da-Tenshi..

Even among all of us, Midnight Musume, you rank the highest in tenshi ranking.

You know why I ranked you up that high?

YOU KNOW WHY?!

It's because I know that deep down, you are way better than all of us, WAY TOO PURE..

As though you were an angel, while we were just stupid ignorant humans..

I may not know you well enough..

However, I know your heart..

You aren't like the rest of us..

You are a true tenshi like no other..

You are too kind, too nice, too forgiving to be an outcast..

That's why I ranked you the highest rank of Tenshi, Tessa..

My sister, Moka, is only a Jun-Tenshi, a half-angel..

Coz' part of her is still a little evil.. A little too naughty to be a Sei-Tenshi..

As for your older sister, I ranked her as a Kuro-Tenshi, a slightly higher rank than me..

Although it IS true that Kuro-Tenshis and Da-Tenshis are the best buddies ever..

We party like hell, like there's no tomorrow..

We play pranks and laugh because we just want to have some fun in our lives..

I ranked myself as lowest tenshi, because I was already broken..

Broken beyond compare, beyond mending, beyond healing..

I used to be a Sei-Tenshi like you are now..

However, due to one incident, it blinded me of ALL my pureness..

I wanted revenge..

I wanted to kill..

I was easily jealoused..

Easily angered..

So, I fell..

I fell into a pit worse than death to us, Sei-Tenshis..

I fell into the clans of the Da-Tenshis..

However, here, I guess I felt quite at home..

Where I could do anything I want, bring the whole house down if I could.

However, of course, it WOULD be nice to be able to return to the clan I used to belong..

The clan in which is the most respected for their pureness..

And that clan would be yours, Tessa..

You have no idea how pure your heart is..

But I know, because my heart..

It used to be pure like yours too..

You say that you are an outcast, which will mean that others don't like you, don't notice you..

Then, how would you explain the reason behind your maplestory friends?

You, an "outcast", having so many friends on MapleStory..

You, an "outcast", having so many guys wanting to be your girlfriend on MapleStory..

Why is that so?

It's all because, you, Tessa, are not an "outcast", but, a wonderful Sei-Tenshi..

For me, on MapleStory, I try to be nice, I try to be friendly, but, it doesn't work..

Nobody notices me..

So..

How would you explain that to me, Tessa, my precious Sei-Tenshi cousin?

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ughh.

Mood: I'm feeling so vexed, I could kill.

Ughh.

Hey everyone.

Shiori Da Tenshi is back.

Ughh.

Happy New Years' Eve.

Sorry for the bad mood.

It's just that I'm feeling really vexed right now.

I know I really shouldn't be, but, I am.

Ughh.

My mom's a real holiday spoiler.

Ughh.

Talk about holiday, she won't even let me friggin' enjoy myself on the last few days before the darn school reopens.

How friggin' unfair is that?!

Ughh.

Even my dad's siding with her.

Ughh.

What in the friggin' hell did I do?!

So what if I didn't get into a good class?!

So what if I'm getting from bad to worse in tenshi rank?!

So what, huh?!

I just don't friggin' get it anymore.

Ughh.

What's worse?

Hmm.

I guess it's kinda ranked as an 'okay-okay' thing.

It isn't really that vexing.

Actually, I would have to say that it's kind of interesting.

My cousin/band-mate, Tessa, thinks that I used her name in this blog of mine.

Hmm.

What do you guys think?

I think that she's totally wong.

Her full name is "Da Tessa Jade Dreamer", or so she said it was.

Her "Da" in this context is a.. how should I put it?

Just a part of a name?

While, mine here is "Shiori, Da-Tenshi"

as in Shiori the Da-Tenshi.

Da-Tenshi is like a ranking in the Tenshi rankings.

The lowest ranking, actually, to be exact.

Tessa, on the other hand, a Sei-Tenshi, is actually the highest rank of tenshi.

And yet, she keeps insisting that I'm in the wrong.

Why is that so?

I don't know.

Ughh.

It's probably that stupid reason about us, Da-Tenshis again.

The Sei-Tenshis/upper class of tenshis all think that we Da-Tenshi are always the bringer of trouble, evil, what-so-ever.

Yes, I must admit, sometimes we may only go slightly overboard because of our tricks.

However, even the Kuro-Tenshis(second lowest rank of tenshis) understand that we don't mean to do harm.

It's part of our lifestyle.

It's part of the fun.

However, in this context, I can swear that I was not intending to copy Tessa.

Whatever she wants to think, let her think all she wants.

It's not my fault, it never was, and it never will be.

Say, here's a song suitable in my vexed mood now, also a good song for my band?

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Monday, December 29, 2008

mood: kinda nervous

hello there!

shiori da-tenshi is here again. :)

wow.

it's already the 29th of December 2008.

How time flies!

2008 is soon coming to an end..

which also will mean that my secondary one slacky days are going to be over..

no!!!!

I'm totally not prepared for secondary two yet!

My homework is not even done yet!

However, thanks to Regina, Sei-tenshi, my brilliant and awesome tomodachi, I managed to finish my math homework yeaterday..

However, I still have my Science homework to do!!!! :(

Argh!!

What am I to do?!?!

I am so friggin dead!!

Help me, Regina, my saviour!!

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Mood: Relatively happy
Hey guys!
What can I say?
It's so fortunate to post a double-post today!
Yeah, I know my first post this morning was kind of depressing,
but, no worries!
I'm back to normal now! :)
Guess what? :)
It's a Saturday and it's the 27th already!
Gosh, how time flies!
Speaking of time,
oh no!
I haven't done finish my holiday assignments yet!
Oh gosh, what am I going to do?!
Dear me! :)
Haha. Lol.
No worries! :) I can deal with it. :)
Speaking of flying,
guess what? :)
I have had dreams of flying before! :)
It's really cool, you know? :)
It's like I don't have wings, I'm not sitting on an aeroplane,
but, yrt, I'm flying! :)
Soaring through the skies at full speed! :)
Cool isn't it? :)
I've always thought I could fly. :)
It's probably just another one of my dreams anyway.
I'm Da-Tenshi now, so, probably no more hopes of flying coz' my wings are broken.
But, it's alright! I still can dream, can't I? :)
Sometimes, I can still feel my wings, the wind, the clouds , as I "fly" past them. :)
Speaking of which, I've just watched this really cool movie online. :)
It's called.. erm...
Or AT LEAST I THINK it's called "The flight before chritmas"
I think :)
However, it's really nice! :0
You should really watch it! :)
It's about a young male reindeer,
whose mother tells him that his father is a reindeer from the flying forces(Santa's flying group)
So, Niko(the boy's name), believes that he can fly.
He's always been trying, however, he wasn't successful. :(
Fortunately for him, in the end, he COULD fly. :)
Haha. Won't tell you anything else about it! :)
Go watch it yourself! :P XD :)
So, for now,
Ciao!

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)

Friday, December 26, 2008

mood: kinda helpless

Hello there, everyone..

Shiori, Da-Tenshi is here again.

Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm today..

I'm kinda depressed..

You know, yesterday,

I told you guys about me not being able to enter a

stretched class next year..

And that my mother(Sei-Tenshi) was gonna scold me..

Well,

I thought nothing of it at first..

However, she said something that almost made me feel like crying.

It really killed me inside..

For once, I felt like I couldn't smile anymore..

It felt like the emo-side of the Da-Tenshi me coming back again..

I felt so.. so cold inside..

For those who know me in real life,

you guys all know what are the most important things in my life..

My drawings, my comics, my writings, my storybooks, my notebooks, my computer, my songs, my music, my mp3..

These were probably the only things that kept me smiling..

Kept me positive all this while..

I tried to keep on smiling,

hoping that the next day for me would be a better day..

However, it isn't.

My life is slowly coming apart..

My heart is slowly dying inside again..

My mother, that Sei-Tenshi, she took away alot of my stuff..

My drawings, my comics, my computer time..

I wasn't allowed to read any of my comics..

I wasn't allowed to darw anymore..

Also, I wasn't allowed to use the computer for the whole day anymore..

Life is getting cruel and unfair for me..

Like it was "supposed" to be for the life of us, Da-Tenshis..

How can I go on smiling as though nothing happened?

How can I go on without my precious things?

Yes, I may still have my music, my stories..

However, that's not all of it..

Without the rest, it isn't enough..

Haha..

I always thought that in this family of mine, I was the strongest female tenshi..

The last I would do in a major mess-up was crying, breaking down..

That was what my little sister, Moka, Jun-Tenshi would do..

She'd always cry over little things like being scolded, but I usually wouldn't..

My mother, Sei-Tenshi, always thought she would, and could never cry..

Haha..

She was wrong..

There was one time that my coldness towards her struck her..

And..

Guess what?

Haha..

She burst into tears..

I no matter what happened,

always hid my tears away from others..

Letting my hurts, pains, tears, screams..

All stab at my heart from the inside..

Yet smiling like nothing happened on the outside..

I just don't want to worry those whom I treasure alot..

Like my friends,

especially Regina, a Sei-Tenshi..

She was always so thoughtful..

Whenever I looked down,

she'd always ask me,"What's the matter, Shiori? Did I do something wrong?"

If I ignored her, the questions will keep pressing on, getting more and more worried..

I always knew that she was a sensitive tenshi..

Many people never knew that..

That's why we always stuck together..

Because of my difficulty with communicating with others..

Because of others misunderstanding her..

I was always there for her..

Standing by her side..

Most of the time..

If not, all of the time..

I didn't want her to get bullied..

For she had a kind, yet fragile heart..

She could break down anytime she got sad,

and she would really need comforting to get her

to stop crying..

It made me feel bad..

Because even though I was there for her..

I couldn't comfort her..

I didn't know how to..

I always kept to myself since I was in Primary 1..

Yes, I had company along the way..

But, it was usually only with one person..

I always had trouble communicating and connecting with people..

Which was why I'd always fade into the background..

I wanted to help others..

But I didn't know how to..

I'd always knew how to heal myself only..

It's unfair..

The way people treat Regina..

She's such a nice tenshi,

and yet, nobody knows that..

Most people just misunderstand her..

I sincerely hope that she'll find a much better friend..

than me..

probably Perpetua, another Sei-Tenshi can protect her better than I can..

I was probably the only one alone to start with anyway..

Anyway, now that my precious things are gone,

I want to cry, scream and shout at my mother, and my father..

My mother for not being reasonable or understanding enough..

My father for not being on my side, yet agreeing with my mother..

However, I know, that doing so would bring choas in the family..

I don't want to make my little sister, Moka, suffer..

She's already been crying alot since I got scolded..

Because both of us didn't get the results our mother waanted us to get..

So she scolded us both..

My sister is also another fragile-hearted tenshi..

She can break down very easily..

So, I always tried to be there for her...

However, when I always think back..

Who was there for me when I cried most of the time?

Who was there for me when I screamed inside my head in anger?

Who was there for me to tell me everything was going to be fine?

Who was there for me to tell me that it was alright to make mistakes?

Who was there for me when I needed someone the most?

Who was there for me to help me heal my heart?

The answer is..

Nobody..

I was always there for myself when I cried..

I was always there for myself when I was in pain..

I was always there for myself to tell myself that everything will be alright..

I was always there for myself to tell myself that nobody was perfect.. and everyone made mistakes..

I was always there for myself to tell myself that it's okay to be alone..

I was always there for myself to tell myself I didn't need anyone's help to heal myself..

I was always there..

For myself..

Nobody else was..

So now, without my precious things,

how am I supposed to carry on?

Must I keep pretending to smile?

Must I keep pretending that a Da-Tenshi like me, will have a good life?

Must I keep pretending that I can go on smiling as though nothing happened?

I don't think so..

I really don't think so anymore..

One thing's for sure..

I'm not going to cry..

I will carry on..

To keep smiling and hide my pain.. :)

da tenshi? don't worry. i'm proud of being one. :)